by Mary Winchell
"9/9/99" Conference - Tape Transcription
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God, we don't want to limit You in what You want to do in our lives! He is calling us to lay down our whole life, what we think we can do, what we want to do, what we will do. He says: "Will you come to Me, will you lay down your can'ts, your don'ts and your won'ts, because you are limiting what I want to do in you and through you, even what I want to give you I can't give it to you because you wouldn't receive it because you have already mentally blocked me out. You have listened to the words of others, you have listened to the words in your own mind and you've canceled out My Holy Spirit when I wanted to speak to you. You don't even listen to Me. I want to do something wonderful in your life". And we cry out to God and we say: "God change me, I want your Holy Spirit". We say that, but in our inner being, we don't want to change, because we're comfortable even in our misery. We are comfortable in our complaining. We are comfortable in our crabbiness.
I was picking out crabgrass this past week. This is really weird. I was sitting there and thinking I could pick this up for days and at least I would have feeling of accomplishment. Do you know when the earth is dry and it's not raining, what comes up? The grass dies. What comes up? Weeds and crabgrass! And when our lives are dry what comes up? Crabgrass. And we need the Holy Spirit to come and rain on us so He can pick it out of our lives. We've got a lot of crabgrass. And the Father wants a harvest of fresh harvest of white wheat, but the crabgrass has to go, because it's choking out the wheat. And we are crying out for the revival, but we have to get rid of crab grass. See, there are things that God does and there are things that we do. He'll meet us, more than meet us half way but we have to be willing to allow Him to move and set us free. Now we can say the words and we all can get together and be very religious, but in our hearts we really don't want change, because change is uncomfortable.
Have you noticed that even if we want change, we say, "I don't know where to put anything, so even if it's a mess, leave it there at least it's familiar, I can find things. I know where my papers are, they piled up this high, but don't let anyone disturb the papers, I will find the bills", right? - because it's familiar. And then when God comes and He wants to make changes it's shakes us up even when He is answering our prayers. Have you had that happen? And we end up trying to rebuke the Holy Spirit. What are you rebuking in your life, what are you angry about in your life? Think about it. What is your biggest agitation? It might be the answer to a prayer you prayed five years ago, seven years ago and you thought God forgot. He doesn't forget anything. And when you say: "Mold me, change me", but why did I loose this job? I hate this job, I hate it. I hate getting up in the morning and all of a sudden you get fired. "O, God, how I'm going to make a living? And who is going to take care of me?" And we have been cursing our finances and job for years and there we are one of the first ones to be laid off. Crabgrass.
I have some stumps in my back yard, quiet a few stumps and to a couple of people I know very well, have talked about getting one of those machines that goes down and drills out the stump. I sort of gave up on it because it wasn't happening and I like flowers, so I decided, I'll be artistic, I'll make these stumps into something beautiful. Read the gardening books you know, you plant the hosta and then you plant some primroses, daffodils - looks natural. I got up one morning and I saw there has been a little creature out there burrowing out the stumps. And I got upset with this creature, because he has pulled up all the flowers I planted in the stumps. Wasn't God answering my prayer? He sent His own rotor rooter in the order to take this stump out. So he throws mums out and he throws the tulips out. Every time I go out I find this guy has been working during the night. Not just one stump, two stumps, three stumps and there is soil and dust all over the place. Well, there was the answer to my prayer. And He talks to me in the garden. I know God talks to you, sometimes fixing the car in the garage - He talks to my husband in the garage, that's his place.
He wants to do something new, but I feel the Holy Spirit is telling me we are dragging our feet. I want to do, but I really don't want to move. I want a new job, but I don't want to leave where I live. I want new opportunities but I don't want to change my way of life. I want a ministry, but I really don't want to put all that time in. I want to be spiritual, but I really don't have the energy to pray and I would rather watch the tube or a computer because we are lethargic, actually we are pathetic. God is so loving, His love is so amazing. He loves us, but He wants to change us. He is into transformation.
I have all kinds of jars of creams at home. When you get older you can have four drawers full of all kinds of cream there. You know what? Doesn't do hardly anything. You could just as well put olive oil on your face. We make a lot of people wealthy. I want to do what works. Have you noticed years are going by and it's not happening? Has God giving you a dream? Has He spoken a word to you in your spirit? Hasn't it happened yet? Don't be robbed, don't be robbed. Go back to that vision, go back to that dream and say: "God, what ever you want for me, that's what I want for me". Though the vision tarry, wait for it. Don't get discouraged, don't think "it's not going to happen". Stand for it, believe for it. Don't give up. If plan A doesn't work, go to plan B. Discouragement, it's terrible. I thing its hangs over the Valley. Depression, it hangs over the Valley. Grief, poverty - hangs over the Valley. Don't we know where our hope is? We know where our dream is. We know where our answers are, but I have to cooperate with the dream, I have to say a little word: "Yes, Lord. What ever You want to do in my life I give You permission to do it". Could we say that: "What ever you want to do in my life, Lord, do it. You know the plans that you have for me. They are for good, not for evil. Your desire, Lord, is to set me free. Your desire is to conform me to your image. I want what You want. Manifest Yourself in me, change me." See, we need to pray for ourselves. Sometimes we get so busy praying for other people and we are the neediest person we know. And we think it's selfish. It is not selfish. Lay hands on yourself and pray in the Spirit, because when you are fixed, you can go and fix others. Take care of mama and mama will take care of children and children will take care of grandchildren. This generation can be changed. It's not selfishness, this is a necessity. Did you ever hear the old saying "if mama is not happy, nobody is happy"? Because especially women set the tone in the house. See, God loves you. There are things in your life that you need and you don't even ask for them, because you think that God is too busy. Guess what? God is not too busy. He is waiting for you to ask and you don't have because you haven't asked, because you see yourself as not important. But if you don't take care of yourself, your house can go down. You count on your fingers or two hands or three hands how many people are in it? This is not egocentric. But sometimes we are so self-effacing that we don't see how important each one of us is to the Kingdom of God. And if the enemy tells you that you are not important then you are ineffectual, and nothing is ever going to happen in your life and "nobody loves me, nobody loves me". So he has rendered you ineffectual. He has taken an ambassador for Christ and stripped you of your authority and placement. He has rendered you null and ineffective. That's another soldier - bit the dust. See, we need each other. There is no little me and big you or little you and big me. See, each one of us is important in God's plan and each one of us touch lives of others that were not touched. Nobody else can be the mama in your family or the daddy in your family like you are. No one else can be the worker on the line or the neighbor. We can be very "humble" and say, "I am replaceable". I am sorry, I don't find that in the Scripture that you are replaceable. There are no two people alike with the same gifting and the same call. And as I say, this is not egocentricity, this is God's truth, because He called you from the womb to reflect His glory. He called you, He chose you, He appointed you. And each one of us has a gift and ministry of reconciliation. See, if I can die to myself and find who I am in Christ, no longer I live but Christ lives within me. I must find my identity in Him and what He says about me and not what I think or feel. What I think or feel doesn't mean anything. It's what His word says, that I am more than a conqueror, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, that I am the head, not the tail. The Word tells me that it's appointed for man once to die and then the judgment. This is not practice, folks, this is the real thing. We are only coming through here one time. This day will never come again. Nine, nine, ninety-nine. And everybody is staying home because they are afraid that the whole thing is going to crash. You know, the airplane is going to get stuck and the whole thing. And you better get your wheat so you can grind it. Nobody knows how to grind wheat, but it's OK, we won't go that far.
You know, I don't think God is nervous. We get so caught up in mindsets, listening to other people's fears and we take them on ourselves and that robs us from functioning the way we should function. And it's so easy to blame other people why we fail, isn't? It's usually mom and dad. If you had loved me, if you didn't abandoned me, etc,etc,etc. Well, those are all strikes, but those are not excuses. Because there is grace at the cross to get healed, there is deliverance at the cross to get delivered and God can set you free from that spirit of rejection. Because He was rejected we can be accepted in the Beloved. He was rejected, and you know what they said about Him, and yet He wanted to do His Father's will. So I can either listen to my own mind or how I feel; and you know about feelings and hormones and where that's going to take you. Far up some days, some days are high, some days are low. Some days I am up - everybody loves me and next day everybody hates me. See, the Lord wants to take down the mountains, bring up the valleys, straighten the crooked and bring us to the place of stability, so I am not so influenced by how you react to me when I say something and you don't look quite proper to me and I feel that you are offended. What is this stuff? We have to get above it. And I am not saying that it's easy, but I know with Christ, when we know who we are in Him and we die to self; who cares, we'll get over it. You know, if you are Christian, we'll have to live together some day forever and get over it. And it's OK to be different. We are all either out there, down there or little quirky. Psychologists haven't found out what normal is yet. So if you are looking for normal, forget it. I think Wathcman Nee came, probably, the closest to describing the normal Christian life.
So if we are introspective, always contemplating our navel, we are never going to be happy or stable. If I am comparing myself with everybody else, I am not going to be a happy camper. There's always someone with more money, better looking, more gifted, more talented, dances better, prays better, keeps better house, smarter - we can go down the list and check it out, check it out. What is this? We suppose to be looking to Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of our faith, who has every answer, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him. If He wanted you to have it, you would have it. We get so busy with the crabgrass, we never see the opportunities that He sends our way - our blessings, our loving care, because it doesn't come with the package we wanted it rapped in. We make up our minds how we want the gift and how it should come to us and if it comes a little different way it's not God. Well, no thanks, or we are offended because we don't want anybody giving us anything, but God. We want things the way we want them presented to us, so we can be gracious and loving. Sometimes they don't come that way. We don't like the packaging.
See, there are things that God wants to do in my life and your life that I don't have any idea about, but at least, lets be open. Lets put down our stuff, our religious stuff - how we want things packaged so it's acceptable to us, how our emotional needs are met. Sometimes we look at someone we love and we want them to responded in a certain way and for whatever reason they can't give back to us, but God might send a friend along side of you to give you the support you need. And at that time, until the ministry of reconciliation comes, and till the gift of reconciliation comes in, God is saying: "See, I love you. I have sent you a friend". The Comforter, the Holy Spirit, works in a such strange way. We get up in the morning and say, "Holy Spirit, come into my life, I want to recognize how you are moving". See, if we do that, every day is adventure. It's not the same old, same old boring life of desperation. One more day I have to put my socks and shoes on. That's not the way He wants us to live. I believe in the Kingdom we can have an exciting life. It can be different, but it's our perspective of what's happening. It might look like on the outside same old, same old, but when I'm changed from inside I don't see it that way. I have a different perspective. I really want a heavenly perspective. You know, we say we see but we don't see. We say we hear but we don't hear. We need to rebuke the spirit of blindness and deafness over ourselves. You have a deaf and dumb spirit sitting on your head and you can't hear anything because you are always talking and when you are silent you are just waiting for the person to get done because your "computer" can't even take any more new information. Your "hard drive" is full of listening to yourself. We don't even have room for God there. We have to delete some junk. We have to go back to the shop. And that's a cry too: "God, go through my mind, my emotions and bring me healing"! There are times when we are happy in our misery because it's familiar. We think it is because we have a melancholic personality. That is not a melancholic personality. You need deliverance and healing and repentance.
Do you want to change? I want to change. I say, "God, change me and make me who You want me to be. I want to do what you want me to do." Who knows how many years we have on the Earth. Let's make them count. Let's go do the job. Lets work for the Kingdom to come to this Earth as it is in Heaven. Nobody is too old, nobody is too young, nobody is too short. It doesn't matter how smart you think you are. See, God is not limited by your limitations. We have made inner vows that have blocked God's move in our life. Inner vows maybe between twelve and thirteen when you made judgments on your mother and dad - "I'll never do that". We really need to ask forgiveness going back to our parents and the judgments we have made on them. Have you thought: "Oh, I sound just like my mom"? May be that was learned behavior, or may be it wasn't. Or your mother did one thing in one way and you said: "I'll never do it that way" and you find yourself in bondage in another habit. What is your habit? What is your bondage? What is your stumbling block? Sometimes we are angry because of the way we look. We blame God, we blame our mother - somebody has to be responsible, let's face it. Do you have your list "whose fault it is"? We need to rip up our fault list and stop blame shifting. And how about anger? There are people that have a real problem with anger, get furious, nuts, absolutely crazy. Most of that root is guilt and fear. What do you feel guilty about? Could have been something when you were child. Guilty people are miserable to live with. They are so cranky so crabby and they are always yelling at everybody else and telling them they should shape up because they are saying it actually to themselves. We know we need to shape up, we know we are not perfect and because we feel guilty, we yell at everybody else and we always are pointing fingers - "look, he should be doing this and they should be doing that", and we tell everybody how to run the world when we can't even run our own world.
Now, the good news is - we know where to go to get it fixed. But first you have to recognize that you have a problem. It just like an alcoholic or drug addict. We have other problems and maybe we don't go to jail for it but we still have problems and sins in our life. I have to acknowledge the fact: "yes, I do have a problem". So I say to you: "What is your problem"? You have to acknowledge it, ask forgiveness and then cry out for deliverance, because God has plans for us. I don't want to miss it. Years will go by, years will go by, and we are blocking ourselves because God doesn't come past our free will. Sometimes the Lord gets blamed for so many things - how could He let this happen and how could He let that happen. Man has free will. Also we fight against rulers, powers and principalities in high places. We are manipulated by these powers and rulers and one of the reasons is because of fragmentation in our own life. I want to be free. Do you want to be free? Let's say it together: "Lord Jesus I want to be free, set me free even from those things that I have blocked from my mind. I give You permission to work in my life and set me free. No longer a slave but free in You. Free to serve You, free to love You, free to allow Your love to flow through my life that I might be all You have called me to be, all that You want me to be. Thank You, Jesus".
Many of us need to ask God's forgiveness for the times we didn't want to live. Maybe you never took the pills, may be you never did something overtly but you made an inner vow, you shot your spirit down. Maybe it was a divorce, maybe it was a rebellious child - great disappointment. "God forgive me for not wanting to live, forgive me because You gave me life and when I did that I was saying You're wrong, and there is no hope. Your Word tells me that without faith it's impossible to please You". So God, I ask Your forgiveness for the times I didn't want to live. I take back the ground I've given to the spirit of death and the spirit of infirmity and illness that's stalking my life. I choose to live, I choose life. I rebuke the spirit of death, I rebuke the spirit of sickness, illness and disease. I rebuke that thing that says you are old and there is no hope for you, that your time is up. I rebuke that voice right now. I rebuke that thing that says there are no opportunities for your gifting.
The Lord would say, "Because I gave gifting, I will make a way for it. Though every door is shut, I'll make a way for My gifting. For such a time as this I've called My people to Myself and I choose to use the humble. I choose to use those who are nobodies and I make somebodies because I don't think like man does. I don't look like man looks. I am looking at you, the real you, the hidden you, the you in your heart. I am looking at you past that which men sees and I am calling the you in you to the Me in Me. So forget you and come to Me and I'll make you a new you".
This is a trade-in night. This is trade-in time for a new you. So if you are tired of the old you, God is going to give you a new you. This one doesn't wear out after a hundred thousand miles. This is an eternal you. You don't even need spare parts. You don't even need a new battery because you going to be brand new. Just ask Him.
"Jesus, we know that You died for us that we might live, not just exist. You were rejected that we might be accepted in the Beloved. We exchange our life for Yours. I give You the past, all the failures, disappointments, anger, grief. I believe that You took all my sins, pain, and failures to the cross. Jesus, it is "no longer I who live, but You who live in me". Amen.